By Zoe Crimmel
"What's important is the action. You don't have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually, the confidence will follow"
Carrie Fisher
This week we marked 3 months since my mother passed, 90 days, 2,160 hours, 129,600 minutes, and 7,776,000 seconds since she took her final breath. But it also was my sister's birthday week and she turned 18! This week was bittersweet as we mourned and celebrated, much like life it is important to do both. We cry to appreciate our laughs more, it rains to show us how nice the sun is, and we need stuffy noses to enjoy breathing freely more! We need the tough and unhappy moments in our lives to remind us how amazing our happy moments are.
The week at school was standard. Slowly the semester is coming to a close. Thanksgiving break and finals are also approaching. As any college student, I am ready to be done and go home, but I am also not prepared to go back to my house. I can deal with my grief so well here at school because I don't have memories of my mother following me around. However, in Colorado at our house, I will have them haunting my every step. This won't be my first time being in the house since her death but I feel when I went right after she died I was still in shock. I didn't see the memories and I didn'tfind the emotions that followed yet because I was packing for school and still working. This time I won't have that distraction so I'd be lying to say I'm not worried. So as I enter this last week I am filled with some dread, and some anxiety as to what I am going to be experiencing when I get there.
Over the weekend my sister and I were fortunate to experience a Texas A&M game with one of my mom's friends. This was something I am so happy we got the chance to do. Coming from a small school seeing the sheer size of the school, the stadium, and everything in between was something remarkable. It made me realize how much I am missing here at Alcorn and also the things that we have that big schools like Texas don't have.
If I never come to Alcorn I would have never found the connections that I have now, some that to me are irreplaceable. The sense of community at a more personal level is stronger for me here because we are in forced proximity while in a big school, you can get away, live away, and lose the connection with the school. As I rabbit-holed myself into a what-if situation I had to make myself step back and see the bigger picture. What am I getting out of Alcorn? It isn't the education, yet it is the degree. It isn't the school name, but it is the connections. It certainly isn't the best experience, but it's a learning and growing experience. I have grown so much here at Alcorn, more than I would have anywhere else. The school has been so helpful with every obstacle I have faced and though they did create some I was able to figure it out with their help. That isn't to say that I wouldn't love to go to a big school like Texas A&M, and one day I might, but for what I need now I am in the right place.
Keep an eye out for my Thanksgiving post coming out next week. Thank you all for reading this week's post and see you again next time!
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