Returning to blogging and a bit of news

Hello everyone,

I know it has been a while since I have written but I wanted to apologize for that. When I first created this blog, over a year ago now, I wanted to keep people informed with what was going on with me. Unfortunately I cannot do that when I am not wirtting. These past couple months have been busy and full of emotions that I couldn't find the proper way to break through.

For those of you that are not aware yet, on August 13th, 2024 my mother passed away. For the past 4 year and some months my mom was fighting stage four breast cancer which had metastisized to her bones. However, at the end of the fight it wasn't even the cancer that killed her. In the end her lungs couldn't keep breathing for her and because of that she had to end her long battle. As sad as losing a parent is, especially at a point in my time that I feel I needed her most I will say that I was very fortunate. We were aware she was gonna die and I was able to make it out fast enough to spend her last couple hours laughing and having our final bounding moments in the hospital. I am more fortunate then most because I had that opportunity. I was able to say my goodbyes and find a sense of peace, though not complete. When I see people now, today, wherever I am I feel a sense of shame because I am not a mess and I have to remind them and myself that for the past 2 years I have lived day by day not knowing if my mother was gonna be there when I returned from overseas and making that peace with my decisions to leave has helped me practice for this final goodbye.

I am sharing this all with you because death has become something to fear in this world, when in fact death came before everything else. In all of history death was looked at as a blessing and a privledge because there was always something to look forward to. Heaven, Valhalla, Aura in ancient Egypt, Paradise in Islam are all things that were looked at as great things after the "darkness" of death finds you. This was something I not only had to remind myself the final days with my mother while she was in the hospital bed but also my whole family around us. Petra was going to be able to run again with no pain, she was gonna see her family members she missed so dearly and her dogs she had growing up. Throughout it all we also reminded ourselves that she was always going to be with us as well.

Now that I am back into my routine at school it has been easier to avoid everything that is going on and push it to the back of my mind. But, every so often I feel it hit me. When I look at the sunset, step on the tennis court or even just walking back to my dorms and realize I can't call her anymore it hits me and I feel a weight on my chest that I doesn't seem to want to go away. That to me is grief because when she died the weight of worrying about her lifted off my shoulders but the weight of missing her took its place. That is my grief and something that I will carry with me for a long time to come.

Now to end this piece on a good note I just want to thank you all for sticking with my through this period of absence and though I was away I was brainstorming and writing so I have a lot of fun work coming out soon! If you are not recieving email notifications when I am posting stuff go to the bottom of the home page and put your email on my subscribers list so you don't miss anything. . . I am excited for this new chapter of my life and I am even more excited to take you all with me through both the triumphs and the trials. I promise not to bore you too much.

Welcome back to Where in The World is Zoe!